18.10.09

18th oct 2009

4 days again to my bday..

it's getting closer to my dead line, my goal's

and yet i'm still here, not making money that much

i'm afraid

26 years old, what's the point??

bday..
party..
celebrating..

what to celebrate??

i try, so hard, i feel the power to struggle,
the power to fight..
it almost gone..

sad..
hurt..
but no tears..

want to cry..
burst the tear's away..
but can't

try to be strong, but inside..

i want to scream
i want to cry

tired, i'm so tired

same life, same activity

bored
bored

want something new
want my own life

today,
i went with gf to attend dhe bday party..
eat
laugh
get angry with gf for a moment

funny thing, mon hold my arm
dhe notice, me just stay silent

gf, she said that she dont like my style
sad..

think,
why be with someone if you dont find them not that attractive to you??

dont know what to think
to say..

now,
just want to cry out loud

it's hard
so hard

i try to keep moving
keep fighting
keep trying

God help me,
i just want my own life
i just want to fly
experience new thing

fly...
free...